"Why it pays to be a lawmaker" or "Can't we all just get along?"

One title just wasn't enough, oh no, not when a story has to do with Alabama Representative Alvin Holmes and Sheriff D.T. Marshall.

Part one: "Why it pays to be a lawmaker"

This is interesting: Alabama's state constitution provides "legislative privilege" to lawmakers, which means that they cannot be arrested for any reason except for "treason, felony, violation of their oath of office, and breach of the peace."

The Monopoly guy would be proud - There really is such a thing as a "get out of jail free card." (Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro, Inc., a company that should not engage in lawsuits with the owner of JoshCarples.com for the mere mention of its name. Thank you.)

So what exactly can a lawmaker get away with and what happens when a lawmaker becomes a lawbreaker?
That brings us to.....

Part two: "Can't we all just get along"

Many of you might remember that quote from the the Rodney King/LAPD days when that entire police department had the reputation of Vic Mackey (a name you would recognize if you watch "The Shield" on the FX channel. FX is a registered trademark of....nevermind).

In the post 9/11 world of today, that quote would probably be more prevalent if we (as Americans) had a longer attention span than the average five-year-old. A growing issue in Bush's "Crusade", which later became known as the "War on Terror", is the subject of racial profiling.

And honestly, right after 9/11, how comfortable would you be sitting next to someone of Arabian descent on an airplane? Probably not that comfortable if you're honest with yourself. Does that make it right? No. But I am convinced that it is sometimes a human defense mechanism.

But to clarify the point, there is a difference between a defense mechanism and ignorance. If you want to see pure ignorance in action, find a member of the KKK and wait til he opens his mouth.

A story appeared in the Montgomery Advertiser today, telling the story of one lawmaker by the name of Alvin Holmes, who was pulled over recently by Deputy Gil Robinson. Holmes was pulled over because he was weaving in and out of his lane on Interstate 65. According to the article, the deputy approached Holmes, noticing that "the representative's speech was slurred and that there was the smell of alcohol on his breath."

According to Sheriff D.T. Marshall, "Mr. Holmes also had liquid on the front of his britches. It appeared that he may have urinated on himself, but he could have spilled something on himself."

Imagine this happening to a normal citizen, you know, a non-lawmaker. What would have happend to you or me in this same situation? Would we be arrested? Forced to sober up in a jail cell? Fined?

But under Alabama's constitution, Mr. Holmes did not commit treason, or a felony, or any of that other stuff that could have gotten him in trouble, so he was free to go. No ticket. Possibly a warning (if he remembered what the deputy may have said - memory gets to the level of "fuzzy" at that point.)

So what happened next you ask? Holmes said he was pulled over because of racial profiling. Holmes is a black man, and Marshall is a white man, and they have never seen eye-to-eye politically so far.

But Marshall didn't pull Holmes over. A black deputy (remember Gil Robinson from a few paragraphs above?) pulled Holmes over, not the white sheriff.

Of course, Marshall says that the racial profiling accusation is "ridiculous".

To me, it sounds rather ridiculous, but I'm not willing to make a final decision about it - I mean, let's not forget, this is Alabama we're talking about. Any state whose citizens worry more about a huge 10-Commandments rock than the budget crisis, education shortfalls, and umemployment rate, has other issues to deal with.

Bonus section: So what's the lesson we've learned?

#1. If you're going to drive drunk, you should first get elected to office (or have the last name Bush).
#2. Lawmakers really are above the law.
#3. If you live in Alabama, rocks are more important than people.
#4. The word "britches" is used far more often in Alabama than any other state (except maybe Mississippi).
#5. Hey, at least we're not in Mississippi.

For more info:
Sheriff disputes lawmaker's racism claim